How to Support Your Partner on Mother's Day (Without Making It About You)

Heads up: Mother's Day is two days away. If you're a new dad, your partner is probably a new mom, and she's probably looking forward to her first Mother's Day as a new mom, which means she's probably looking to you to make her feel extra special on her first Mother's Day. She's probably been looking forward to this for a while. No pressure. Since you've never done this before, I thought I'd offer some tips on how to make her first Mother's Day as meaningful as possible. And if you're finding the emotional weight of early fatherhood harder than expected, postpartum therapy for men in Des Plaines can help you show up as the partner she needs.

What She Says She Wants

Some combination of flowers (ask what kind she likes), brunch (that she doesn't have to make), and being together. Maybe some extra time to catch up on sleep. Maybe some tasteful jewelry. All of these are a safe bet.

What She Actually Wants (But Probably Won't Ask For)

If your gal is anything like mine, she probably says some of what she wants but hopes you figure out the rest without her needing to tell you. If you're anything like me, you're doing your best but rarely figure this part out. We've been together for thirteen years, married for nine, and have two kids, and I still mess this up a lot.

In her wonderful book, To Have and To Hold: Motherhood, Marriage, and the Modern Dilemma, psychologist Dr. Molly Millwood reveals that many of her new-mom psychotherapy clients feel an emotional chasm opening between themselves and their husbands/partners. You probably notice this, too. You and she used to be on the proverbial "same page," but that's changed since she gave birth. You feel frustrated about the unexpected drop in sex, she feels frustrated about the unexpected drop in partnership and connection, not to mention being trapped in a chair with a baby attached to her like a barnacle.

What do we mean by partnership and connection? Let's define our terms.

Partnership.

She just pushed a ten-pound pot roast out through her pelvis, and now it's sucking the life out of her. She doesn't want to heal from that and also have to explain why her insides feel like they're falling out; or why she needs you to hold the baby so she can shower or sit on the commode; or that she needs you to keep the breastfeeding station well stocked with snacks, water, a book, and an iPad loaded with her favorite shows; or what she wants for dinner; or that you're supposed to wake the F up at all hours of the night to change diapers so she doesn't have to. You're supposed to just know all of this. The more you can anticipate her needs and meet them without needing her to clarify, the more supported she'll feel. That's partnership. I know it's hard, and you won't get it exactly right 100% of the time, but do your best, and she'll appreciate it.

Connection.

This one feels a lot harder for a lot of new dads because it's about emotional attunement, something women are generally more adapt at. Society tells us that new parenthood is supposed to feel joyous. It forgets to mention that new parenthood is often fraught with uncertainty, confusion, guilt, and grief. That's right, I said grief. Grief for the easier life stage you've just left behind, and, in many cases, grief for the birthing experience she wanted but didn't get. In a well-intentioned effort to make their partners feel better, a lot of new dads will say something like, "We have a healthy baby. That's all that matters." DO NOT SAY THIS TO HER. When you dismiss her feelings about her unwanted birthing experience because "everything worked out fine," you're essentially telling her that her feelings don't matter. That's the opposite of connection.

Your Gal Needs Partnership and Connection Every Day.

But on Mother's Day, a new mom's needs and experiences become the focus of everyone's attention, like they're under a magnifying glass. Her feelings will probably seem amplified. If you're struggling to provide the emotional support she needs—whether because you're overwhelmed yourself, don't know how to connect, or are dealing with your own postpartum challenges—working with a postpartum therapist for dads in Des Plaines, IL can help you develop the skills to show up for her.

Why Mother's Day for New Moms Is So Important

Don't get me wrong, it's important for all moms. But for a new mom, it's extra important because it's the first time her experience and identity as a new mom are explicitly celebrated en masse. My wife recalls enjoying her new status as "one of the moms" in the family. She also recalls feeling especially aware of other moms' experiences in a way she'd never felt before. Mother's Day gives new moms a platform to survey their new parental landscape.

If You Need Support

...hit me up. As one of only four male therapists in Illinois who's certified in perinatal mental health, I feel lucky that I get to support so many new moms and dads with their transitions into parenthood. If you're finding it hard to anticipate your partner's needs, struggling to provide emotional connection, or feeling overwhelmed by the partnership demands of early fatherhood, postpartum therapy for men can help. As a postpartum therapist for dads in Des Plaines, IL, I work with fathers who want to be better partners but need support navigating the emotional complexity of this transition.

Struggling to Be the Partner She Needs? Postpartum Therapy for Men Des Plaines Can Help

Look, I get it. Trying to figure out what your partner needs without her having to tell you is exhausting. And the emotional connection stuff? That's even harder. You're doing your best, but sometimes your best still feels like you're missing the mark.

If you're struggling to show up for your partner the way she needs—whether it's because you're overwhelmed yourself, don't know how to read the emotional cues, or you're dealing with your own postpartum stuff—that's what I'm here for.

As one of only four male therapists in Illinois who's certified in perinatal mental health, I work with new dads who want to be better partners but need some support figuring out how. Postpartum therapy for men in Des Plaines, IL isn't about fixing you—it's about helping you develop the skills to anticipate needs, connect emotionally, and show up for your partner without burning yourself out in the process.

Here's how to get started:

1. Contact me and let's talk about what's making partnership feel so hard right now.

2. Work with a postpartum therapist for dads in Des Plaines, IL who gets that being a supportive partner doesn't always come naturally.

3. Build practical tools for meeting her needs while also taking care of yourself.

You don't have to have it all figured out. That's what I'm here for.

Additional Services at Shapiro Psychotherapy Associates, PLLC in Des Plaines, Illinois

At Shapiro Psychotherapy Associates PLLC, I provide therapy for men navigating the relationship challenges that come with new parenthood. If you're struggling to anticipate your partner's needs, feeling frustrated by the emotional distance between you, dealing with resentment about intimacy changes, or grieving the relationship you used to have before the baby, therapy can help you develop the partnership and connection skills that feel so hard right now. I do this by offering new dad support, trauma therapy, and marriage/couples therapy.

We may draw from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) to help you stay present with your partner even when things feel uncomfortable or different, Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) to challenge the thoughts that make you feel like you're failing as a partner, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) to process any birth trauma that's creating distance in your relationship, or Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) techniques to help you understand and respond to your partner's emotional needs. Or even Psychodynamic Therapy. Each approach is grounded in evidence-based care designed to meet you exactly where you are.

Being a supportive partner doesn't always come naturally, especially during the massive transition of early parenthood. With specialized experience in men's mental health and postpartum challenges, I provide a supportive space where you can be honest about what's hard, learn practical skills for showing up better, and strengthen your relationship without losing yourself in the process. Reach out today and take the next step toward being the partner you want to be.

About the Author

Micah Shapiro, LCSW, PMH-C, is a therapist and father of two who specializes in helping new dads navigate the relationship challenges that come with early parenthood. As one of only four male clinicians in Illinois certified in Perinatal Mental Health, he understands firsthand how hard it can be to anticipate your partner's needs, provide emotional support when you're barely keeping it together yourself, and maintain connection during one of the most disorienting transitions of your life. When he's not working with clients, he's usually walking his pup or cavorting about with his wife and two young sons—and still learning how to get partnership right after nine years of marriage. If you're struggling to show up for your partner the way she needs, Micah provides a judgment-free space where you can be honest about what's hard and build practical skills for being a better partner without burning yourself out.