Gift Ideas For Father’s Day (That He Probably Won’t Ask For)

With Father’s Day approaching, I’d like to follow up on my Mother’s Day post with some thoughts about what gifts Dad may really want, even if he doesn’t say it out loud.  These suggestions are what I’ve gleaned from my clients and also from my lived experience as a father of two.  Spoiler alert, I’m not going to suggest things you can buy.

Here are my personal recommendations for ways to make Father’s Day special for the dad in your life.

Quality time

Pretty simple.  Dads want to feel close with their kids, and the easiest way to make it happen is to spend time together, preferably doing something fun and relaxed.  Think burgers on a grill and games in a backyard.  Make sure you put away the to-do list so there's no pressure to focus elsewhere.

Extra sleep

One of my clients suggested this, and I think it’s spot-on.  Dads are every bit as likely as moms to be chronically sleep deprived.  Turn off his alarm and let him snooze an extra hour or two.  I promise he’ll appreciate it.

A feeling of efficacy

Nothing makes a parent feel more frustrated and ineffective than little kids and their shenanigans.  My sons are six and three, and they 👏 do 👏 not 👏 listen 👏 to 👏 anything 👏 I 👏 say.  It’s pretty frustrating that nobody warns us about this in advance…Okay, maybe they did, and I just wasn’t ready to hear it.  But honestly, you can’t know just how useless you’ll feel until you hear your child say, “Go away, Daddy!  Just Mommy!”  Nothing scrambles my dad-brain faster than when I remind my son to wash his hands after going potty and he says, “No!”  

What I, and many other dads, crave most is to feel like we know what we’re doing.  Finishing a task, accomplishing a goal, manifesting a vision.  Nothing makes us feel more capable faster than completing a project, something with actionable steps we can follow and complete with our bare hands.  This week, I successfully uprooted two bushes from my backyard, and I almost wept with joy.  Getting it done is truly one of life’s greatest joys.

Instead of buying your fella something he either doesn’t want or could more easily buy himself, consider giving him a project.  Have him spend Father’s Day assembling a new swingset for the kids, or whatever your version of that is.  If he falls asleep on Sunday night feeling like he did something good for the family, you will have made it a successful Father’s Day because you will have prioritized his mental health.

The best gift idea

The best gift a father can give himself is the gift of confidence and high self-esteem. If that's something you struggle with, do yourself a favor and ask for help. As a therapist, and father, specializing in fatherhood issues, I'm well-positioned to support you on your journey toward greater self-efficacy.

Additional services I offer at Shapiro Psychotherapy Associates, PLLC in Des Plaines, Illinois

At Shapiro Psychotherapy Associates PLLC, I provide therapy for men navigating the confidence and identity challenges that come with new fatherhood. If you're struggling with "bad dad" thinking, feeling sidelined in your own family, dealing with shame around not bonding the way you expected, or carrying anxiety that's making it hard to be present, therapy can help you make sense of what's happening and move forward with more self-compassion and clarity. I do this by offering new dad support, trauma therapy, and marriage/couples therapy.

Being a new father is one of the most disorienting transitions a man will ever face, and struggling with self-esteem during that transition doesn't make you a bad dad. It makes you human. With specialized experience in men's mental health and postpartum challenges, I provide a supportive space where you can be honest about the thoughts that are getting in the way, develop a more accurate picture of the father you actually are, and build the confidence to keep showing up. Reach out today and take the next step.

About the author

Micah Shapiro, LCSW, PMH-C, is a therapist and father of two who specializes in helping new dads navigate the emotional and identity challenges that come with early fatherhood. As one of only four male clinicians in Illinois certified in Perinatal Mental Health, he understands firsthand how easily confidence can unravel when you're sleep-deprived, out of your depth, and convinced everyone else is doing this better than you. When he's not working with clients, he's usually walking his pup or cavorting about with his wife and two young sons, still adding to his own highlight reel of parenting moments he'd rather forget. If the "bad dad" thoughts are getting loud, Micah provides a judgment-free space where you can finally say that out loud and start working through it.