Why Does Taking Time for My Interests Feel Wrong Since Becoming a Dad? Therapy for Dads and Guilt

Before becoming a dad, having interests felt normal—necessary, even. You worked out, played music, watched games, built things, or disappeared into a hobby that helped you reset. Then the baby arrived, and suddenly those same interests feel… wrong. Selfish. Indulgent. Like something you should have “outgrown” the moment you held your child.

If this sounds familiar, you’re not broken. You’re experiencing a kind of guilt that many fathers carry quietly—and Therapy for Dads is increasingly helping men name and unpack it.

Where the Guilt Comes From

Dad guilt around personal interests doesn’t usually come from one place. It’s a mix of internal pressure and cultural messaging. Many men absorb the idea that being a “good dad” means total self-sacrifice. If you’re not working, parenting, or helping your partner, you’re slacking. Rest or enjoyment can feel like a moral failure.

There’s also comparison. You might see your partner giving so much of themselves—physically, emotionally, mentally—and feel like taking time for yourself is unfair. Even if no one is telling you this explicitly, the pressure is real.

And then there’s fear. Fear that enjoying something outside of fatherhood means you care less about your child. Fear that if you step away, even briefly, something will go wrong. Fear that you’re reverting to an old version of yourself you’re “not supposed” to be anymore.

Why Losing Yourself Isn’t the Goal

Here’s the part many dads don’t hear enough: losing your interests doesn’t make you a better father. It often does the opposite.

When your entire identity collapses into one role, burnout isn’t far behind. Irritability increases. Resentment creeps in. You may start to feel trapped, even though you love your child deeply—and that contradiction can bring even more shame.

Therapists who specialize in Therapy for Dads often help men reframe this idea. Your interests aren’t competing with your role as a father. They support it. They regulate your nervous system. They remind you that you’re a whole person, not just a provider or caretaker.

Your child doesn’t need a dad who disappears into obligation. They need a dad who’s emotionally present—and presence is hard to sustain without moments of replenishment.

The Postpartum Factor No One Talks About

Many dads are surprised to learn that this guilt can be tied to postpartum mental health. While postpartum challenges are commonly discussed for mothers, fathers experience their own version—often marked by anxiety, identity confusion, and emotional suppression.

A Postpartum Therapist working with dads may explore how the transition into parenthood disrupts a man’s sense of self. You didn’t just add a role; you lost the old balance overnight. Grieving that loss doesn’t mean you regret being a dad. It means you’re human.

Avoiding your interests entirely can actually intensify postpartum anxiety or low mood. What looks like “being responsible” on the surface can quietly erode your mental health underneath.

What Therapy for Dads Can Help You Do

In therapy for dads, guilt is treated as information—not a verdict. A therapist can help you ask better questions, like:

• What am I afraid it says about me if I take this time?

• Whose standards am I measuring myself against?

• What kind of father do I want my child to see modeling adulthood?

Therapy also helps dads practice boundaries without shame. That might mean scheduling time for an interest and noticing the discomfort without letting it dictate your choices. Or learning how to communicate your needs with your partner in a way that feels collaborative instead of defensive.

You’re Allowed to Be More Than One Thing

Becoming a dad changes you—but it doesn’t require erasing yourself. Your interests are not evidence of neglect. They’re evidence that you’re still alive, curious, and engaged with the world.

Taking time for what matters to you isn’t stepping away from fatherhood. It’s stepping toward a version of yourself that can stay present in it for the long haul. And if guilt keeps getting in the way, you don’t have to wrestle with it alone.

Ready to Begin Postpartum Therapy for Men in Des Plaines to Reclaim Your Interests Without Guilt?

If you've stopped doing the things that used to make you feel like yourself—going to the gym, playing music, working on projects—and told yourself it's just what being a good dad requires, you're carrying guilt that doesn't serve you or your family. That voice telling you every hobby is selfish, every hour away from home is stolen time? That's not the truth. That's overwhelm masquerading as responsibility. The belief that being a present father means erasing yourself completely is one of the most damaging myths men absorb during the transition to parenthood.

But losing your interests doesn't make you a better dad—it makes you exhausted, resentful, and disconnected from the parts of yourself that help you stay regulated. At Shapiro Psychotherapy Associates PLLC, postpartum therapy for men in Des Plaines helps fathers untangle the guilt that's keeping them trapped in self-sacrifice. You can learn to hold space for your identity as a dad alongside the other parts of who you are, set boundaries without shame, and understand that taking care of yourself isn't competing with taking care of your child. Here's how to take the first step:

• Schedule an appointment with Shapiro Psychotherapy Associates PLLC.

• Talk with a postpartum therapist for men who understands the postpartum identity shifts fathers experience and won't shame you for needing time for yourself.

• Begin challenging the guilt-driven thinking that's convinced you being a whole person makes you a bad father.

Other Services Offered by Shapiro Psychotherapy Associates, PLLC in Des Plaines, Illinois

At Shapiro Psychotherapy Associates PLLC, I offer therapy tailored to men who are navigating the guilt, identity confusion, and emotional pressure that come with new fatherhood. Whether you're struggling with feeling selfish for wanting personal time, wrestling with the belief that good dads sacrifice everything, or experiencing postpartum anxiety that's making it impossible to step away, therapy can help you rebuild a sustainable version of fatherhood.

Our work may draw from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) to help you identify your values and act on them without letting guilt dictate your choices, Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) to challenge the all-or-nothing thinking that labels every personal interest as selfish, or Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) to help you stay present with discomfort instead of avoiding your needs entirely.

Each approach is grounded in evidence-based care designed to meet you exactly where you are.

You don't have to choose between being a good father and being yourself. With specialized experience in men's mental health and the postpartum challenges fathers face, I provide a space where you can explore the guilt that's keeping you stuck, practice setting boundaries without shame, and begin to see your interests not as distractions from fatherhood but as essential parts of sustaining it. Reach out today to take the next step toward building a version of fatherhood that doesn't require you to disappear.