Breaking the Cycle: How New Parents Can Learn from Their Own Upbringing

Becoming a parent is a life-altering experience that brings both joy and reflection. As new parents, you may find yourself thinking not just about how you want to raise your child, but also how you were raised. It’s natural to reflect on your own childhood and ask, “What do I want to do differently?” or “What do I want to pass on?” For many, this means confronting the mistakes of the past and making a conscious effort to raise children in a healthier, more supportive way.

One of the most powerful steps new parents can take is to learn from the parenting styles they grew up with. Maybe you didn’t feel emotionally supported, or perhaps discipline was too harsh or inconsistent. These experiences can shape your instincts, but they don’t have to define them. Simply recognizing what didn’t work for you as a child is the first step toward breaking generational cycles.

Today’s new parents have something previous generations didn’t: access to information and a greater cultural awareness around emotional and mental health. Many of our parents didn’t talk openly about feelings or mental health struggles, either because they didn’t know how or because those topics were taboo. As a new parent, you have the opportunity to change that. Validating your child’s emotions, practicing active listening, and creating an open line of communication can foster trust and emotional intelligence from a young age.

Another Important Shift is in How We Approach Discipline.

If you grew up hearing “because I said so” or experienced discipline rooted in fear, you might be drawn to a more respectful, balanced approach. Positive reinforcement, clear boundaries, and natural consequences are increasingly popular methods among new parents. These techniques not only promote better behavior but also preserve your child’s self-worth.

Of course, this kind of change doesn’t always come easily. Many new parents wrestle with guilt, doubt, or grief as they process their upbringing. It can be hard to reconcile your love for your parents with the realization that they made mistakes. But growth happens when we acknowledge those experiences, learn from them, and use them to do better for our children.

Fortunately, New Parents Aren’t Alone.

With countless books, podcasts, online communities, and parenting classes available, you have more support and tools at your fingertips than ever before. Therapy (such as Acceptance and Commitment Therapy)—whether for yourself, your relationship, or your family—is also a powerful way to unpack inherited patterns and build a healthier foundation.

Ultimately, parenting isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being intentional. As a new parent, you’re in a unique position to create a more nurturing, connected environment than the one you may have experienced. By reflecting on the past and consciously choosing a better path forward, you're not just raising a child—you’re rewriting a legacy.

Rewriting Your Parenting Legacy with Acceptance and Commitment Therapy in Des Plaines, IL

If you’re navigating the emotional complexities of new parenthood—especially if you’re grappling with feelings of sadness, disconnection, or unresolved experiences from your own childhood—you don’t have to do it alone. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy can be a powerful tool in helping you show up as the parent you want to be, not just the one you were taught to be. At Shapiro Psychotherapy Associates PLLC, we’re here to support you as you begin this meaningful journey.

Here’s how to get started:

• Schedule an appointment with Shapiro Psych.

• Work with an experienced Acceptance and Commitment therapist.

• Embrace a more connected, intentional approach to parenting.

Other Services Offered by Shapiro Psychotherapy Associates, PLLC in Des Plaines, Illinois

At Shapiro Psychotherapy Associates PLLC, I offer a range of therapeutic approaches designed to help you reconnect with yourself and step into parenthood with greater clarity, confidence, and compassion. Whether you're interested in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) or therapy for self-esteem and confidence , our work together will be personalized to support your unique story and goals. I have extensive therapeutic experience and specialized training in multiple therapy modalities, and I always aim to customize my approach to the specific needs of each client. Connect with my office today to to begin your journey toward a more grounded and fulfilling life for both you and your family.