How New Fathers Can Use Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) To Quiet Their Inner Critic

Becoming a father is life-changing, rewarding—and often overwhelming. Amid sleep deprivation, shifting identities, and the pressure to “get it right,” many new dads find themselves caught in a swirl of self-critical thoughts. “I’m not doing enough.” “I don’t know what I’m doing.” “Other dads have it all figured out.” These kinds of thoughts can erode confidence and connection. But there’s a powerful tool that can help: Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT).

ACT is a mindfulness-based behavioral therapy that encourages people to accept what they can’t control, commit to actions that align with their values, and develop psychological flexibility. For new fathers grappling with internal criticism, ACT offers practical strategies to quiet the inner voice of self-doubt—and become more present, compassionate parents.

The Trap of Self-Critical Thinking

Self-critical thoughts are often automatic, shaped by old learning, perfectionist expectations, or societal pressure to be stoic and competent. For new dads, these thoughts might sound like:

• “I’m not bonding with my baby like I should.”

• “My partner is doing better than me—maybe I’m just not cut out for this.”

• “Real men don’t struggle this much.”

While it’s tempting to fight or suppress these thoughts, that often backfires—giving them more power. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy in Des Plaines, IL takes a different approach: instead of battling negative thoughts, it teaches us to change our relationship with them.

Step 1: Notice the Thought

The first ACT principle is defusion—learning to observe thoughts as just that: thoughts, not truths. When a self-critical thought arises, you might try saying, “I’m noticing I’m having the thought that I’m a bad dad.” This small shift can create distance between you and the thought, helping you see it more objectively.

You can also get playful with it. Try singing the thought to the tune of a silly song or repeating it in a cartoon voice. These techniques highlight the thought’s arbitrariness and reduce its emotional grip.

Step 2: Allow the Feeling

Self-critical thoughts often come bundled with tough emotions: guilt, shame, frustration. ACT encourages acceptance—not in the sense of giving up, but of making room for feelings without trying to fix or escape them.

Instead of pushing discomfort away, try sitting with it: “This is hard, and that’s okay.” Picture the emotion like a wave passing through you. It doesn’t define you, and it won’t last forever.

Step 3: Connect to Your Values

One of ACT’s strengths is its emphasis on values—the deeper “whys” behind our actions. As a new father, what kind of parent do you want to be? Maybe you value patience, warmth, or presence. Rather than acting on self-doubt, ACT helps you choose behavior aligned with these values.

Ask yourself, “What’s one small thing I can do right now that reflects the kind of dad I want to be?” That might mean reading a bedtime story, taking a walk with your baby, or simply offering a kind word to yourself.

Step 4: Commit to Action

ACT is rooted in committed action—taking steps in the direction of your values, even when it’s uncomfortable. You don’t need to wait until the self-critical thoughts disappear. You can take action alongside them.

When you catch yourself stuck in rumination, pause and ground yourself. Use a simple mindfulness practice: notice your breath, feel your feet on the floor, and come back to the present. Then ask, “What’s the next right thing I can do?”

The Power of Self-Compassion

Ultimately, ACT helps new dads develop psychological flexibility—the ability to show up for what matters, even in the face of difficult thoughts. It’s not about becoming the “perfect dad,” but about being the kind of father your child needs: present, engaged, and human.

When self-critical thoughts arise—and they will—ACT gives you the tools to meet them with curiosity, not fear. To step out of your mind and into your life. And to model, even in your struggle, the resilience and emotional openness you hope to foster in your child.

Interested in learning more about ACT for new dads? Consider working with a self confidence therapist trained in ACT, or explore resources like The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris. Parenting is hard—but you don’t have to do it perfectly. You just have to do it with presence and heart.

Ready to Explore Acceptance and Commitment Therapy in Des Plaines, IL for New Fathers?

If you’ve been navigating the highs and lows of new fatherhood while battling a relentless inner critic, you don’t have to keep pushing through in silence. Feeling unsure, overwhelmed, or disconnected from the dad you want to be doesn’t mean you’re failing—it means you’re human.

At Shapiro Psychotherapy Associates PLLC, we specialize in helping fathers use Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) to create space for self-compassion, quiet self-critical thoughts, and take meaningful steps toward the kind of parent they want to be. Here, you’ll find a supportive, judgment-free space to notice what’s getting in your way, connect with your values, and start showing up in a way that feels authentic and fulfilling. Here’s how to take the first step:

• Schedule an appointment with Shapiro Psychotherapy Associates PLLC.

• Work with a self confidence therapist who understands the unique pressures fathers face.

• Begin building a toolkit that helps you handle challenges while staying connected to what matters most—your family, your values, and your own well-being.

  
  

Other Services Offered by Shapiro Psychotherapy Associates, PLLC in Des Plaines, Illinois

At Shapiro Psychotherapy Associates PLLC, I offer therapy that helps fathers navigate the complex mix of emotions that can come with new parenthood—especially when self-critical thoughts make it hard to feel present or confident. Whether you’re drawn to Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) for building psychological flexibility, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) for processing past experiences, Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for reshaping unhelpful thinking patterns, or Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) for grounding in the moment, our work will focus on helping you live more fully in line with your values. I also provide therapy for self-esteem and confidence, so you can feel more secure in who you are as a father and partner.

You don’t have to navigate the challenges of paternal postpartum depression—or the pressure to “get it right”—on your own. With specialized training in evidence-based therapies and a deep understanding of the unique struggles fathers face, I offer a space where you can speak openly, make room for your feelings, and take steps that reflect the kind of dad you want to be. If you’re ready to feel more present, connected, and aligned with your values, reach out today. Healing begins with being truly heard—and you deserve that space.